[TT 008] sleep, expansive questions, vulnerable leadership, Lasso humor
Howdy Thrivers,
This week I took a few days to unplug from my machine and and rest from recent self-induced intensity. No new essays and, instead, an epic ski day in a blizzard plus an equally epic bath to follow.
That evening, sitting at a gently murmuring fire, looking out a large window at playful snowflakes quietly muting the world’s worries, I reflected on the awe-inspiring good fortune of my life. I am humbled by the weight of my ambition and the lightness of the joy I feel in relation to my peoples and my path. I can never do enough, and that’s oddly inspiring and uplifting.
In the stillness of the snow, I could sense big shifts - only some of which are my own - and I must admit it feels a touch unsettling at times. What does one do when they find themselves immersed in a liminal space while navigating the responsibilities of daily life?
It’s kind of like my recent Zoom couture - business on top, ?? on bottom.
Oy! On to Thriving Thursday
On the spectacular symphony of sleep
⚔️ 🛌 For the last 20 years, I’ve approached sleep as a mortal enemy handcuffed to my wrist - I fight and try to escape, only to find myself dragged down into unconscious demise. That may sound extreme, but ask any of my friends, family, or lovers and they’ll tell you that I fought sleep with every fiber of my being.
If only I’d read this book earlier …
This weekend I finished Why We Sleep by Dr. Matthew Walker, founder of the Center for Human Sleep Science. Early in the introduction he made a bold claim:
There does not seem to be one major organ within the body, or process within the brain, that isn’t optimally enhanced by sleep (and detrimentally impaired when we don’t get enough).
I could feel the old narratives of aggression rise in defiance as I braced myself for an intellectual battle of “ya, right - prove it!”. Boy oh boy, did he gently set me straight.
Walker systematically walked through academic study after study that underscored how getting a good quality and quantity of sleep impacts physiological and psychological health. For funsies, a short list - sleep supports
- cardiovascular health
- immune resilience
- regenerative healing
- hormone regulation
- hunger and nutrient uptake
- muscular strength and endurance
- emotional regulation
- memory consolidation
- knowledge synthesis
- skill acquisition
- creativity
- alertness
- glymphatic efficiency
- and overall lifespan
And I haven’t finished zetteling my notes on Chapter 1 yet!
In addition to definitively answering the opening question “Why We Sleep” with rigorous scientific analysis, Dr. Walker veers into more choppy waters around limiting societal narratives (in which I saw my reflection all too clearly), the US education system, torture, sleeping pills, and business policies.
I was shocked to learn, for example, that sleeping pills (of every known type and brand) are no more effective than placebo at coaxing the sandman, but also come with horrible and well proven side-effects. That’s a multi-billion dollar industry that sells … side-effects without treatment? In contrast, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) is clinically proven to be much more effective with few if any complications.
The book’s final chapters are Dr. Walker’s sincerest hopes and recommendations for a more sleep rich (and consequently healthier) society. For individuals, he offers practical suggestions culled from the NIH’s 12 sleep best practices (here, page 20). For businesses and governments, he offers specific policy recommendations to educate and inspire citizens to improve their quality of life by improving their sleep.
In addition to being a foundational piece of literature for my Year 1 study, this book has fundamentally changed how I think about and prioritize sleep. There is absolutely no rational way to downgrade the critical importance of sleep, and that leads me to question the very nature and root of my resistance.
I read a good amount of popular science literature, and this book was both well written and eye-opening for me. If you have any interest in, or challenges with, sleep, I cannot think of a more valuable book to read.
On the nature of expansive questions
🤲🏼 🙋🏽 In my Annual Review course, and later again in my Write of Passage course, a gentleman named Taylor said something that really stuck with me:
The quality of one’s life is defined by the quality of the questions they ask
(Aside: Taylor said he heard it somewhere else, and try as I might I couldn’t find the original source, so if anyone knows the first speaker / author please let me know)
This really got me thinking about the questions I ask myself, during my work, throughout my projects, and perhaps most importantly, in my relations. Seeing through the lens of questions has notably improved how I approach and engage with self and others.
That’s why I was so touched to read a former classmate and inspirationally talented writer, Dan, reflect on the nature of how / what vs. do / why questions.
Questions that start with “Do” yield a yes or no. Questions that start with “Why” are often judgmental. Questions that start with How or What are like spotlights on experience, and can yield a much wider array of possible answers.
In other words, asking questions that begin with how or what can yield more connective experiences by offering a non-judgmental space for others to share and be seen. Now if I can only offer the same space to myself …
Dan was reflecting on this idea as it was presented in the VIEW podcast. VIEW is a framework, or as founder Joe Hudson likes to say, a mindset, that empowers connection through 4 dimensions:
- V ulnerability
- I mpartiality
- E mpathy
- W onder
When any one of these dimensions is off, that is deeply felt on a subconscious (and sometimes conscious) level by those around us. In contrast, when we are able to approach interactions (with others as well as ourselves) from the VIEW mindset, clarity, trust, and connection blossom in unexpected ways.
I like the simplicity of the VIEW operating framework, and I like the precision in delineating techniques from a mindset. I’ll be listening to the rest of the podcast series and trying to implement these cognitive tools and the connective mindset in my daily life.
How do questions inform or guide your daily life?
On the badass brilliance of Brene Brown
😰 💪🏽 Speaking of vulnerability, I started listening to Brene Brown’s book Dare to Lead. Brene is an absolutely incredible researcher, writer, and storyteller, and I resonate with so much of what she promotes.
This week I hired my first Executive Assistant (through Great Assistant - really great experience) and I want to show up as the best possible leader and manager. I’d heard Brene’s virtues extolled far and wide, but never listened to her TED Talk (52 million views!) or knew much of anything about her work.
In Dare to Lead, Brene breaks down effective leadership into four core components. First, though, I am in love with her definition of a leader:
A leader is anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes, and who has the courage to develop that potential.
And her four components of effective leadership:
- Rumbling with vulnerability
- Living into our values
- Braving trust
- Learning to rise
Dare to Lead is the first business book that made me weep like a child who lost his mother. Instead of feeling sad, somehow that experience made me feel empowered by the insightful richness and depth of Brene’s work. I am making immediate changes in my existing work structures, and when I bring other people in to GIFT, I will make this book required reading as part of onboarding. It’s really that good.
On the wholesome silly humor of Ted Lasso
⚽️ 👨🏻 It’s been >3 months since I watched any TV and on Taylor's (from above) recommendation, I started up again with one specific show. I couldn’t be more impressed with the writing, directing, and acting of the show Ted Lasso.
The humor is hilarious, the character development is ingenuous, and each episode has a wholesome, uplifting message that makes me reflect on the beauty of our humanity. The character "Coach Beard" is one of the main writers / creators (how does that makes it more fun for me?) and lead actor Jason Sudeikis won a (well-deserved) Golden Globe for his inspired performance.
Plus, it’s somehow refreshing to have 30 min episodes that don’t feel engineered to suck me into a binge cycle.
If you’re looking for some quality TV entertainment, and don’t mind the $10 for a month of Apple TV, Ted Lasso is the best humor I’ve seen in a long time.
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How is it that I stayed up late last night working on a piece about the importance of sleep? And what is it about vulnerability that makes my knees weak but my heart and hands strong?
I wonder how I can rise above my current malaise like a phoenix from health-plagued ashes.
Bravely yours,
~Henry